interview: Painted Zeroes
In the Fall of 2015, New York musician Katie Lau released her first album under the name Painted Zeros. That record, Floriography, was full of blustery, fuzzed-out rock songs, each more infectious than the last. It boasted authenticity and a true DIY spirit in its creation and message. As half a decade has worn on, Lau has been hard at work growing, both as a musician and as a person more generally.
Katie generously took the time to talk to us about her new record, her journey to sobriety, and how to support independent musicians in these unprecedented times. Her second full length Painted Zeros album When You Found Forever is out Friday, May 29th on Don Giovanni Records.
words: Eric Bennett
photo: Kenneth Bachor
What have you been doing to keep sane with everything going on?
It has been important for my mental health (and my sobriety!) to try and keep some semblance of a routine during this time. For the past year, I’ve been writing a few morning pages and meditating every day; having a relatively limitless expanse of free time means that I can really devote myself to these daily practices (there are definitely still busy days that I have to skip them, but I feel so much better when I don’t.) I am also (safely, social-distantly) running a ton, which has really been helping my anxiety (though having to dodge people on the street is anxiety-inducing, too...) I’ve been trying to keep connected with friends and loved ones through text & casual video chat/phone calls, fighting my impulse to isolate, and just trying to be helpful & supportive of the people in my life in whatever ways I can. I have also been reading a ton, and writing lots of new music.
When was the first time you realized you wanted to work in the music industry? If you weren’t doing this what do you think you’d be doing?
I spent a lot of time alone during my formative years playing/listening to/obsessing over music, and as a high schooler in the punk scene, my favorite thing in the world was going to shows. I feel really lucky that I’ve been able to make a career out of live performance as a sound engineer. If I weren’t doing this, there is a good chance I’d be working as a florist in a secluded Hudson Valley town, or living off the grid as a goat herder/farmer.
Can you go into the meaning of the title When You Found Forever?
The title is a little bit self-referential to a lyric from the first song on Floriography [which scares you more?/the idea of forever, or the pain of alone?], and while that lyric was maybe more about interpersonal turmoil in a romantic relationship, for me, it really boils down to larger, existential fears I used to have very intensely about my own mortality and the mortality of my loved ones, and about closeness/fear of vulnerability. It’s not that I don’t have these anxieties anymore, but they no longer rule my life; every day for me is a process of letting go and not trying to be in control of things that are outside of my scope (which is basically everything). These past few years have been an exercise in learning how to live, and the older I get, the more I feel time (and our experience of time in particular) to be this extremely loose, mysterious thing. I am grateful to be alive and here at all today, and finding forever in the present moment—the eternal, recurring immediacy of the present—is all I can do.
As you wrote and recorded each part on Floriography and did so again on When You Found Forever, did anything feel different to you this time around?
It’s cool to have a document of sorts in my music where I can trace for myself new things I’ve learned over time, the ways I’ve grown as an engineer, and new recording or mixing techniques. I will say that though I wrote everything on “When You Found Forever”, I was really happy to have Jared Kaner and Jim Hill play drums and bass (respectively) on “Break” and “I Will Try.” They were my band at the time of “Floriography”, and it was important to me to have them on the album in some way, to exist in the liminal world of the music with me, because they were with me through so many important (and sometimes difficult) times and tours, and I love them both dearly.
There are some slight thematic parallels between “JMZ” and “Commuter Rage” with them both being about mistreatment from men in public. Given that there’s half a decade separating them, how much progress have you seen personally?
I guess I spend a lot of time commuting and being in high stress, public spaces living in NYC, so it makes sense that sometimes songs come out of that. I’d like to think that there’s less bitterness and anger in my daily life (maybe just because I bike more these days!) I do genuinely believe that things are getting better over time, in terms of world history arcing towards a world of social justice and equality, but our current reality is that we exist in an incredibly unjust, oppressive culture and world, with an economy that is built around and dependent on these exploitative power imbalances. Social progress happens frustratingly slowly. Historically, people in positions of power and privilege don’t give it up without a fight. Each of us can challenge these existing injustices every day, starting with the micro instances of our personal lives, which feed into the macro levels of cultural and political change.
You’re very open about your journey to sobriety throughout the record, particularly on songs like “Fuck My Life” and have been writing about problem drinking since 2014’s “Too Drunk.” What advice do you have for anyone who may be thinking about getting sober themselves?
First of all, that you’re not alone, and that there are so many people who struggle with substance abuse and drinking problems. Even if things are really bad right now, and it seems like things will never get better, and it’s tough to imagine a life without drugs or alcohol, that I promise you from personal experience that it’s possible, and that life can be better than you ever dreamed it would be.
It’s really tough and weird and scary at first, and I was so lucky to get so much help from other sober acquaintances/friends I had at the time. A cool thing about sobriety is that other people who are sober tend to be really open and down to help other folks who are trying to quit drinking—don’t be afraid to reach out for help (I really love talking about it with friends and strangers alike.) There are so many great resources and communities/support groups for people who are trying to get sober.
The two music videos to have come out from When You Found Forever, for “Commuter Rage” and “Break” were directed by Jess Coles and yourself, respectively. What about the two experiences felt different? Did you prefer one over the other?
I loved working with Jess on the “Commuter Rage” video, and she’s a super talented film-maker and director, and I also had a lot of fun making the “Break” video on my own. Editing film was a new experience for me, and I enjoyed the ways in which it felt similar to editing music. I definitely hope to do more of it in the future.
What advice do you have for music fans who want to support you and other artists as touring isn’t a viable option right now?
Buying music from artists directly—whether it’s digital or a physical medium like CD/vinyl—is a much more impactful way to support artists you love versus streaming. Also, telling your friends about bands are artists you like, particularly if they self-release their own music, or they aren’t on big labels who have tons of money to throw around on marketing campaigns for their artists.
Lastly, since touring and the state of the live music industry is very up in the air, what do you think of the influx of live-streamed performances we’re seeing? Should we start moving towards a paid model?
I’m honestly not sure about this...it seems like we are heading in that direction.