break time: Shay
Break time is a feature on the grey estates the explores how those in the music industry practice self-care. For this edition, we’re excited to welcome Jeremy Berkin of Shay.
Photo by: Ashley Gellman
What caused you to take a break from music, and how did you recognize that maybe you needed to step away?
I feel like I first really put down my guitar when I graduated college. My band at the time was parting ways for different jobs and other "real life" things, myself included! I started working full-time in New York City less than a month after graduating college. Between working, my relationship, and booking a couple of bands on the side, I didn't have any energy left to write. My life circumstances didn't allow much space for music, so it just kind of fell by the wayside. I never truly wanted to step away, but I felt that I had to get to work. The break was good for me though. I feel like I've come back fresh and ready to go!
After I quit my job in NYC, I moved back to Philly to play drums in a different band. Unfortunately, we broke up in summer 2018. To be honest, that band break up was extremely hard on me. I was struggling to see myself being in a band ever again. We lived together, toured the country together, and then one day it all just disappeared. Since then, I've really struggled to trust other musicians when collaborating, but I'm feeling much stronger than I did a year ago. The biggest takeaway for me was to make sure I'm surrounding myself with friends who value and appreciate me. People who can communicate what they're feeling, and who also are great musicians!!
During that time period, what did you do to ensure that you were taking care of yourself? And with returning to music, have you approached creativity with a different mindset?
Honestly, I was not taking good care of myself when I was in NYC. My workplace was extremely toxic, my living situation was unsafe, and my mental health was not great. I tried my best to rest when I could, and leave the city when I had some time off and most weekends. I was NOT built for Manhattan, and I guess I didn't really understand that until I gave it a chance. Eventually I realized how unhealthy my job was, so I made the decision to quit and move back to Philly.
I've gotten much more patient with myself in terms of creativity / writing. In college, my lyrics were very stream of consciousness. I wrote a lot of lyrics in class, and whatever came out was what ended up on the record. Now, I'm taking my time. Giving myself time and space has allowed for so much growth. I feel like my lyrics are getting stronger, and I'm getting better at telling my stories. They're not so cut and dry like they were when I was younger.
How do you make time for all that you do, and still maintain your well-being? When you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, what do you do?
This has for sure been a trial and error type situation. I have burnt myself out more times than I can count, but I've finally started to learn from these patterns. It's tough to slow down in an industry where no one else is. If you take a break, someone else is going to be touring and getting a leg up on you, so I have always felt a pressure to keep pushing forward no matter how tired I am. A lot of this mentality came from working in NYC. Last year, I worked myself into the ground, and ended up having a stress induced ulcer. This was what got me to really start taking care of myself. I had to cut alcohol, coffee, greasy foods, and I needed to start being proactive in stress management. After this my therapist changed up my mental health medication as well, and now I'm feeling better than ever!
At this point, I'm starting to feel pretty comfortable with my workload. At the end of last year I started to expand my team at Lost + Found, and that has completely changed my life. I finally got to a point where I needed to ask for help. During the work week, I make sure to take breaks throughout the day so I don't get too stressed. The things that tend to help me with stress are stretching / yoga, meditating, going to the gym, playing drums, and sometimes even just going for a walk does the trick. It's all about knowing when to step away from the computer and giving myself a second to rest. Since I cut coffee / caffeine I also drink herbal tea all day which has helped a lot! I am VERY hydrated these days.
Tell us a little about Shay, and what you want the project to be? How has it changed, if it all, since you last performed?
Shay is my new music project. I've been writing songs for it since last summer, and I put the band together in December! Shay is my middle name, it means "Gift" in Hebrew. The name is fitting for this project, because I honestly thought I was done writing and performing music. I hadn't written a song in the last two years, which I later found out could have been a side effect of my anxiety meds at the time. It does truly feel like a gift that I get to do this. It feels like a second chance.
This project is an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. Since I started writing songs, it has always been helpful for processing my emotions. It helps me work through what I'm feeling, and bring it to a resolution. I'm trying very hard to not end any of these songs on a sour note. Even if the subject is about someone hurting me, I'm trying not to be hateful. I don't want to carry that negative energy around with me, let alone sing it on stage for a long time. I want Shay to represent growth, healing, and love. Not hate. We've had enough of that for a lifetime, or at least I have.
I'm doing this for myself. I'm doing this to create something beautiful out of the hurt I often feel from these situations. I'm doing this for other people out there who might feel overlooked, so that they know it's okay to feel things deeply. We aren't wrong for being sensitive.
My music and performance has changed since college because I've changed. I've done so much work in therapy, and I finally feel happy with who I am. It comes through in the songs, and it will come through in the performances. I've surrounded myself with some of my best friends to help bring it all to life. After touring for a few years, I've learned that the people are everything. No matter how good a musician may be, if we don't get along it's not going to work. I only want to surround myself with good people, and support good people. That's what my business is about, and that's what Shay will be about.
What advice would you give to someone with regards to checking in on themselves and ensuring that they're feeling good about their creative endeavors and life itself?
I would suggest going to therapy if you are able to! I have been in and out of therapy for the last 10 years, and it has completely changed my life for the better. I understand that it's not affordable or accessible to everyone, but I'm really hoping that changes in the coming years. Creatively speaking, I would just say to make sure you're allowing yourself space to make your art. I briefly shut that door for myself, and it truly felt like a part of me was missing or broken. Make sure you never lose sight of why you are creating in the first place, and if you do make sure to check yourself! In the current state of the music industry, this is easier said than done, but it is possible to block out the noise enough to make something you're proud of.
When you need a break from music, what do you do as self-care? And in other areas, what do you do to relieve stress or to just relax?
Non-music things I do to relax: watch Netflix (Parks + Rec and The Office on repeat), hang out with friends, drive, play video games, journal, meditate, yoga, go to the gym
**also I will say in regards to self-care, I've actually started practicing good skin care and it has radically improved my mood.
***also weed helps me very much. I have a friend who runs an apothecary! they make me custom herb blends to specifically help me with anxiety, stress, focus, muscle pain, and lung support. I don't talk about this much because I have a lot of internal guilt / shame about smoking, but I'm hoping it becomes more normalized moving forward! It already is, which has been nice to see.
As someone who literally does 500 things, how do you balance it all?! And what advice would you give someone who wants to pursue passion projects or hobbies in the hopes that one day they can become jobs?
I'm honestly feeling like I'm just now settling into a healthy work / life balance. My biggest takeaway from 2019 is that I was working way too much without doing things for myself to balance it out. This is why I'm making music again. I spent the whole year behind a screen while my friends were traveling the world making music! I absolutely love what I do, and I'm so grateful that I get to help deserving folks do that. With that being said, it definitely left me feeling like I was on the outside looking in. Like there was a giant pool party and I was watching from the fence. This year I'm going to put myself on the road more, and I think it's going to lead to me being a bit happier in my day-to-day.
My advice to anyone chasing these dreams is to just keep after it. I got here by working as hard as I possibly could, and then pushing myself even further. You should definitely check in with yourself before you burn out like I did though!!! Block out your time so that you allow space to rest and reset. We are only human, and if we push ourselves too far eventually we're going to run out of steam. I would also suggest having multiple streams of income! The only way I was able to create Lost + Found was by working another job to cover my living expenses. I didn't want money to affect the decisions I was making with these artists, and that has allowed me to always put the artist first. I know that it's not always possible to do this, but I think it's a good thing to keep in mind. Why are you doing what you do? Have your intentions been skewed by money? Skewed by what folks around you are saying or doing? Do the folks giving your advice have your best interest at heart? The artists best interest at heart?
Just keep checking in with yourself! Surround yourself with friends who will help keep you on your path! You've GOT this.
Following this March 6 show, what's next for Shay?
Okay, so I have written a LOT of music in the last 6 months! I've connected with a friend and producer, Bartees Strange, and we're probably going to get to work on an LP later this year. I'm intentionally taking my time with it, because I have never had that luxury before! I'm going to spend this year playing drums, tour managing, and running Lost + Found. Hopefully in between we'll work on the album, and continue to play local shows to support our touring friends! I would love to do a tour of our own before the year is out, but again we're going to take our time. If everyone streams the demos enough though I'll book a tour. If you're interested in us supporting you on your Philly show, get in touch!
Catch Shay on tour:
3/6 Philadelphia, PA - Luigi's Mansion (full band)
3/7 Pittsburgh, PA - Mr. Roboto Project (solo set)
For more information on Shay, follow them on social:
T: @shayphl
IG: @shayphl